Excerpts from Don Becker's one-man play
performed by him in Denver in 1996.

The carbon-based life forms known as Adam and Eve were kicked out of Eden at one second before midnight on the last day of Paradise. Nomads in the biosphere, pilgrims with a sex drive, they turned their backs on God and looked for meaning in the stars in the hope of the morning star. Their loins burned for animal truth and Adam and Eve came together in sexual union. This was the first work. This was the first job. Adam said, I lift, I move, I gather. Eve said, I mend, I wash, I water. And they had the great love and they did not need God because they had the work. Now Eve she had a plan. There was so much work to do. She told Adam, come into me love and I will bear you many workers. Oh she loved Adam - his hair, his eyes, but mostly his DNA. Adam knew her with all loving tenderness upon the hopeless world. Eve's womb crackled with the helpless stinking babylife and Cain was the first to crawl out of the Hole Agony and his name was also Pariah. God had lied and said Eve would bring forth in misery. But I came as a snake to the Delivery Room and taught Eve to breathe to release endorphins and enkephalins. Birth!

And again, and this time a seven pound scrawny shepherd boy named Abel, which is Pussy. Abel stood before God and said, I bring you white wool and the blood red kidneys of the firstlings. God gave Abel a diploma.

Cain was a tiller of the soil. He scratched the soil with his hand to plant flower seeds. He planted flowers to make perfume in case any hot women miraculously showed up in Genesis Chapter 4. One day Cain was tilling the soil when he found some metal. Cain said, hey this would make some dandy cookware, or a graven image, or something to whack Abel in the head with. So Cain took the flowers and metal and offered it to God. Here, God, here's guns and roses. God said, close but no cigar.

Cain said to God, why do you accept Abel's gift and not my own? God replied, Abel got sheep. You got bad tinkertoy DNA. Your flowers do not toil or spin. And taking metal out of the earth is dumb. It melts the icecaps. I want your sacrifices to me to suffer. I want you to suffer.

Cain was determined to obtain God's blessing. He started a fire with the withered flowers. He melted the iron and fashioned the molten metal into a gun. Cain figured out a way to make the metal suffer. He would shoot a bullet into Abel's head.

Bang is metal's way of saying, excuse me. Abel was the first man to die and that was the End of the race of Pussies.

Cain stood before God and said, Abel who? And God loved Cain because Cain was willing to do anything to obtain God's blessing - ANYTHING - so God said, I'm pissed but I'll let you slide this time - wink wink - but just as a reminder I'm gonna put a mark on your forehead on the offchance that if some hot Mediterranean babes miraculously appear in Genesis Chapter 4 you can take them to wife so we can carry on the race.

God loves Cain but Man hates Cain. God loved Cain because he would rather kill than work to obtain the Lord's blessing. Work is too dirty. Cain was the first genius. Cain loved God with all his heart.

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