Gucci Angst
by Don Becker

-Spare change
-i'm sorry
-no i'm sorry- you got Gucci shoes
  and i don't even have enough for a pack of GPC's
-you really shouldn't smoke
-i have to- i'm an artist
-maybe i've seen your work
-i eat crayons- i eat crayons and then i shit
-then i have seen your work!
-then you will give me some spare change
-i'm sorry
-no i'm sorry
  i pack my colon full of crayons and i come up with
  dick
-artists are supposed to suffer
-you could buy one of my shits
-i'm sorry-my home is decorated in teal
  and edwardian plum- your shit-encrusted crayolas
  would clash
-i could make you a custom shit to match your decor
  i could eat sea green and magenta crayolas
-what would i do with my Gorman
-what do you care- Gorman never suffered
-yes he did Gorman is Native American
-a really rich native American
-rich people suffer too- i get depressed- i cry all the
  time
-i can help you stop feeling depressed- just give me
  your change and when i mount the diarrhea series
  at the Arvada Center you'll be able to say you knew
  me when
-i'm sorry
-no i'm sorry-you're just stingy
  all i want is a little change
-i'm sorry- i don't give money to panhandlers
  that's the way I was raised
-you know me! you know my work!
  you could be my patron, my benefactor
  all i want is some cigarettes and some food
-i don't know- you might use the money for drugs
-i used all my money for drugs
  that's why i gotta panhandle
-you shouldn't use drugs- drugs will affect your work
-i shit crayons lady- what are you afraid of
  his works in shit were refreshingly quaint until
  drugs mottled the texture
-perhaps you're right
-so you're going to give me spare change
-i'm sorry
-no i'm sorry- i never should have been an artist
-maybe you should try something a little more
  commercial than shit-encrusted crayons
-like what
-draw pictures of the wealthy in your own blood
  show the pains of the rich the sufferings of the rich
  you'll be famous though you might be a little anemic
-that's brilliant lady-do you have something i can
  cut myself with
-here- use my Visa card
-okay
  here it is
  the first of the bloodmoney series
  it's a portrait of you
  i call it Gucci Angst
-you will be rich- if you get a good agent you will be
  rich
-can i have some spare change for a tourniquet
  to stop the bleeding
-i'm sorry- i'm so sorry-i'm so very very sorry